Philophobia – The fear of falling in love.

If you are afraid to fall in love or if you are afraid to fall in love “again” , scientists’ have a name for you – Philophobic. As silly as it sounds this is true. There are a truck loads of people who are afraid to fall in love because of experiences haunting them from their past or witnessing discontent couples in the present. I have had my phase of being in love too. Of all the men I was with, there were few men I totally adore and am still in contact with. Now, you might wonder as to – if I adored these men so much why did we never progress , well , we just didn’t.  we were too like minded or had different priorities in life and had to move on. There have also been men I spent time with who did nothing but bad for me. I had a fair share of disastrous relations too. why did I even build a rapport with them? maybe, I was looking for a muse those days, or probably I was under peer pressure. Having said all that , when I look back, I realise that I have a colorful story to share with my man to be (who ever will be) and there is not a thing about my past that I would want to change. Everything that we once did , is what we once wanted to do and no one except ourselves is responsible for the repercussions.

It is roughly 4-years since the last time I was in a relationship , however, it is roughly few days since the last time I fell in love. That is right, I fall in love everyday with anything beautiful or anyone who makes me smile and I am not shy to tell them the same. I don’t believe that just the word “relationship” or “commitment” can define your true emotions towards a particular being or towards a certain bond. I am a book definition of a piscean and we fishes just love to love and love being loved, we love spreading our charm and accepting anything / anyone who comes our way and swim along. One thing that I have learnt from my years of singleton is that it is criminal to bind a person you truly love in a so called “commitment”. It is not human to set down do’s and don’ts, to be followed by your companion. I have let go of men who were desirable to many but not me, because of similar reasons. If falling in love comes with a terms and conditions manual I might as well restore to self pity.

I am not a woman with the perfect everything, but I earn decent, confident with a brain that works and most importantly a brain I use, not a kingfisher model’s stat but I believe I am attractive if not hypnotic. Inspite of all these I sometimes wonder as to why I still don’t have a man to think about at the end of the day. Everytime I watch a romantic movie , song or read a book my thoughts narrow down to only one thing, that is if I want a boyfriend or if I need one? I don’t think I need one (except for when I miss having a man for obvious reasons but I think that can wait) because I receive all the love, affection and attention I need from my friends, family and the dog at my apartment. After struggling with failed rebounds and sleepless nights, I can proudly say that I am no longer afraid to fall in love again and I have all the patience to wait for the right man (preferably with a gorgeous beard, good humor and a well paying job) because it is always worth the wait.