This last couple of days the only topic I seem to discuss with my girlfriends is about weddings. We are a group of very independent, charming and smart women, yet we have our moments of jealousy and insecurity at the thought of all the other women around us getting married except for us. What is it about marriages that make us women so thrilled and weak at the same time?
I have guy friends who tell me that I feel insensitive about the whole concept of a wedding because I have never experienced love strong enough for it to lead into a concrete relationship. I give this a thought very often, and every time I think about how my wedding would be – I’d only picture silk, expensive Egyptian cotton and a private gathering. And then suddenly I realize that I barely think about the groom! I mean isn’t it important to have a groom for your wedding?!
I frequently hear the soft voice within me say that “you are too independent to be loved, men like taking care of women and you don’t let them do that” to that the quirky voice from my head says “I do not need a companion to take care of me, I experience abundance of love, affection and importance from my family, my friends, my mentors and my acquaintance” the only time I perhaps feel the absence of a companion is when I feel physically needy. I do not want to sound like the person your mom hates! but I do believe in the fact that there is nothing wrong with sharing a physical relationship if a mutual comfort is established. Why is it that most of us come with a tag of commitment and emotional dependence the moment we share a physical moment with someone?
Just like many other women I have been subjected to the fear of social disapproval, I have been scared of being judged and being labelled. But as I grow older and get better professionally and am being successful in maintaining healthy relationships with the few friends I have had for a very long time, I realize that I can no longer play by the rules. I can no longer restrain myself from experiencing beautiful horizons just because I am afraid of the society not approving of it. I love men but I love my independence more. I have no problem with the idea of getting married, but what I do have a problem with is, the grandeur involved, I have a problem with inviting people we never see in years, spending thousands of money on clothes we will never wear again and taking vows with a man who is to play host for the rest of our lives. Will all those people visit me if my marriage is going through a tough phase? I doubt…
I was talking in similar lines with a dear friend the other day, and I told him that I might not see myself as a wife or as a daughter-in-law but I do see myself as a mother. I told him that my biggest fear of not being married is that I might miss the opportunity of being a parent. I also told him that maybe in the next five years it will not matter anymore, that I could be a mother whether or not I have a husband. We discussed about how there are many women who have taken this path, and have become a mother clinically or by adopting a child. My friend had a very valid point of why it is important for a child to experience the affection of complete parenthood, both from a mother and a father, I mostly agree but I still have times of disagreement, perhaps I am being too selfish or I am scared that I will never find Mr Right.
Why is it that women like me who are in their late 20s and are unmarried feel pressurized and are subjected to around the clock scrutiny? Has the concept of wedding become too institutionalized, too commercial and a mere act of self-validation? And do they really live happily ever after?