It has been a while now that we have been separated from each other, a while now that you and dad have gone to a place far away from my reach. I feel your presence at times when I sit at the yard and feel the breeze blow by. I do not believe in God or in the idea of heaven, but, I hope that both your souls are together and where ever you reside – you reside with happiness and joy.
How unfair is it for you both to leave me alone, how bitter I felt at the sight of all those who walked by their parents, but, then as though you tried to remind me of your presence, you would send someone to tell me how I look just like you, and I smile. I smile thinking about all the times I hated looking like you and I smile at how you loved clicking pictures with me.
How unfair is it for the world to let go of a beautiful woman like you, so charming that even dad could not help but fall for you. Mom, do you still think about how dad hated you for smoking on his bus, and how you rebelled at him for using his personal radio while driving? your presence so captivating, although, 25 years by age apart, dad and you built a beautiful home together.
I am sorry for not taking a day off from work, perhaps, I would have taken you to the hospital in time, perhaps, I would have held your hands while you went into an eternal sleep.
How could anyone love someone so much? how was it so easy for dad to not leave our house while it was burning down. I was so angry on myself for not being strong enough to carry him on my back from the fire to light – from death to life.
Mom, did you really send those crows home a day before the fire? Was it true like dad said – that the crows were there to take him to you, would you send crows to me too when I am ready?
After the accident I was able to recover a box, a box full of memories, a box full of yours and dads love. How blessed am I to grow up to parents so passionately in love with each other, so much so that even death cannot do them apart. Mom, I want to thank you to marry dad, he has set a standard so high – there can never be another like him.
Mom, it took me yours and dads death to realize that death is so final, there is no negotiation and there is no second chance. I feel foolish for all the times I choose to stay away from you and dad, for all the times I left home. Coming back to you and dad was the best decision I made. I am sorry mom that I never told you how much I love you, I never told you how honored I feel to be your daughter and I never got a chance to hug you goodbye.
As I stood watching our house burn down to ashes, I realized life was never going to be the same anymore – for you and dad were gone, and I stood in an abyss, until he came along and held my hand. He takes good care of me mom, he even helped me plan the funerals. It took me your death to realize that the world has so much kindness and empathy.
Finally, mom I want you to know that I have been strong, I have taken care of everything that you left incomplete, I am not crying in a corner or leading a melancholic life, instead, I am going to graduate school. I have learned to become a more sensitive and matured woman. I want to become a woman graceful like you and compassionate like dad. And every time I sit at the yard and I feel the breeze blow by, I know that you and dad have found a happy place and once again – I smile.
Your Loving Daughter,
I met Vanessa in graduate school, there was something about her that always intrigued me. I was very judgmental about the person I saw on the surface, until one day, when I got an opportunity to converse with her and learn about the unfortunate death of her parents. She lost her mother due to an illness and within few months in a fire accident, which she survived – she lost her home and her father. Vanessa mentioned to me about how she was able to recover a box which had letters and notes which her parents wrote for each other. It was such a humbling experience to talk to her and I feel honored that she allowed me to write her story.
If not anything, people like Vanessa and her parents, remind us of joy in little things, of gratitude and of loving madly and truly.