Me the Sapiosexual

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After my previous blog Sex – pleasure or pressure I received several phone calls, emails, and text messages regarding the blog and the voice of it. Surprisingly – or not – most of them agreed to what the blog said. Many readers and friends told me that they were in situations in their relationships when sex became the only unifying factor and the sole purpose of the relationship. Sounds unfair, doesn’t it? What about all those who have a lower sexual desire and are yet maintaining a healthy and happy relationship with their partners. There must be a determinant stronger than physical intimacy.

I am sure that most of us agree when I say our choice of men change significantly as we grow older and ideally with a proportionate increase in our maturity as well. However, there are certain traits we like about men that will always make us weak in the knee. I have girlfriends I grew up with for many years and I see their choice of men as the years pass, although, every new man has something different about him compared to the previous, there is yet always that one unique quality which remains constant. Could be humor, height, complexion, voice or even a smile with dimples maybe. So for me it was always the intelligence in a man that remained constant.

I won’t tell you that every man I have been attracted to was a genius and god’s gift to mankind – yes they were all geniuses in their areas of interest. I got the opportunity to better know men at a very personal level, who were gold medalists, entrepreneurs, strategic leaders at their workplace and even literature experts. Unfortunately, with lot of intelligence these men also brought self-pride, superiority complexes, personality disorders, isolation, dominance, and every day was an ego trip.

There were however few men who were very accommodating and received feedback in a great manner. Though, these men had loud personalities they never failed to pamper me and make me feel special. So that raises two questions 1) why intelligence 2) why all the breakups?

Why is intelligence the new sexy?

In my school of thoughts intelligence is synonymous to creativity, it is the art of telling someone what they exactly want to hear, the ability to influence in a very subtle and graceful manner. I met men who were extremely attractive and could be great providers but they could never keep a good conversation and when it came to keeping a conversation alive and two-way, my genius men were always ahead in the game. I do not confuse intelligence with being informative. I have been with the so called “intelligent men” who try their best to respond with something absolutely irrelevant just to prove their mettle in the conversation and satisfy their alpha-male alter ego – this is when I think in my head “Dear Men, narcissism does not compliment intelligence” Instead, if I were with a man who responded with a simple “isn’t that interesting” or “give me an example” that’s enough for me to realize that he is paying attention and is not looking for an IQ battle and of course, I reciprocate the same way with him as well.  This spirit of keeping a conversation alive, and making me want to look forward to talking to him again and not just seeing him, is a big turn on!

Why all the breakups?

I will cut this short cause I don’t want to sound melodramatic, when you are a sapiosexual like me, intelligence becomes a boon and a curse at the same time. It is unacceptable to me if my man under performs at his work. If he does not talk to me about something that will keep my interest level high – the romance is out of the window. When the emotional connect fades we tend to start showing our negative traits to our partner. So in my case, there would be a surprise anxiety, unpredictable mood swings and lots of drama. So yes for all the breakups put the blame on me.

Being a sapiosexual is not easy, especially for the counterpart. Sapiosexuals don’t  just need a boyfriend or a companion, we need an achiever and someone to look-up to. We need to be inspired and constantly challenged intellectually. There is no foreplay better than a good conversation and there is never a scarcity for words. A relationship with a sapiosexual has  its own insecurities and if not anything you are definitely doing better at school and work than you ever did before. Be mindful with your choice ladies, that boring guy/girl you see at the bookstore might not be that boring after all. The muscle might lean but the brains are here to stay!


This blog is part-1 to a series of two blogs, in collaboration with Thoughts Of The Third Eye Part-2 of this blog is now available on the link above.

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#love, #relationships, #sapiosexuality, #sex