Me the Sapiosexual

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After my previous blog Sex – pleasure or pressure I received several phone calls, emails, and text messages regarding the blog and the voice of it. Surprisingly – or not – most of them agreed to what the blog said. Many readers and friends told me that they were in situations in their relationships when sex became the only unifying factor and the sole purpose of the relationship. Sounds unfair, doesn’t it? What about all those who have a lower sexual desire and are yet maintaining a healthy and happy relationship with their partners. There must be a determinant stronger than physical intimacy.

I am sure that most of us agree when I say our choice of men change significantly as we grow older and ideally with a proportionate increase in our maturity as well. However, there are certain traits we like about men that will always make us weak in the knee. I have girlfriends I grew up with for many years and I see their choice of men as the years pass, although, every new man has something different about him compared to the previous, there is yet always that one unique quality which remains constant. Could be humor, height, complexion, voice or even a smile with dimples maybe. So for me it was always the intelligence in a man that remained constant.

I won’t tell you that every man I have been attracted to was a genius and god’s gift to mankind – yes they were all geniuses in their areas of interest. I got the opportunity to better know men at a very personal level, who were gold medalists, entrepreneurs, strategic leaders at their workplace and even literature experts. Unfortunately, with lot of intelligence these men also brought self-pride, superiority complexes, personality disorders, isolation, dominance, and every day was an ego trip.

There were however few men who were very accommodating and received feedback in a great manner. Though, these men had loud personalities they never failed to pamper me and make me feel special. So that raises two questions 1) why intelligence 2) why all the breakups?

Why is intelligence the new sexy?

In my school of thoughts intelligence is synonymous to creativity, it is the art of telling someone what they exactly want to hear, the ability to influence in a very subtle and graceful manner. I met men who were extremely attractive and could be great providers but they could never keep a good conversation and when it came to keeping a conversation alive and two-way, my genius men were always ahead in the game. I do not confuse intelligence with being informative. I have been with the so called “intelligent men” who try their best to respond with something absolutely irrelevant just to prove their mettle in the conversation and satisfy their alpha-male alter ego – this is when I think in my head “Dear Men, narcissism does not compliment intelligence” Instead, if I were with a man who responded with a simple “isn’t that interesting” or “give me an example” that’s enough for me to realize that he is paying attention and is not looking for an IQ battle and of course, I reciprocate the same way with him as well.  This spirit of keeping a conversation alive, and making me want to look forward to talking to him again and not just seeing him, is a big turn on!

Why all the breakups?

I will cut this short cause I don’t want to sound melodramatic, when you are a sapiosexual like me, intelligence becomes a boon and a curse at the same time. It is unacceptable to me if my man under performs at his work. If he does not talk to me about something that will keep my interest level high – the romance is out of the window. When the emotional connect fades we tend to start showing our negative traits to our partner. So in my case, there would be a surprise anxiety, unpredictable mood swings and lots of drama. So yes for all the breakups put the blame on me.

Being a sapiosexual is not easy, especially for the counterpart. Sapiosexuals don’t  just need a boyfriend or a companion, we need an achiever and someone to look-up to. We need to be inspired and constantly challenged intellectually. There is no foreplay better than a good conversation and there is never a scarcity for words. A relationship with a sapiosexual has  its own insecurities and if not anything you are definitely doing better at school and work than you ever did before. Be mindful with your choice ladies, that boring guy/girl you see at the bookstore might not be that boring after all. The muscle might lean but the brains are here to stay!


This blog is part-1 to a series of two blogs, in collaboration with Thoughts Of The Third Eye Part-2 of this blog is now available on the link above.

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#love, #relationships, #sapiosexuality, #sex

Separation Anxiety

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She has been a traveler for the majority of her life because of her family, profession, and by choice. Being territorial never suited her gypsy soul. She always chose the less traveled paths and strangers excited her more than family did. She carried her free-spirits with her everywhere she went. Her arrival lighted up the room and her departure always caused dismay. There is a part of her which looks forward to the next destination. The thought of change makes her heart jump with joy and begins to weave the beginning of a magical journey in her mind. There is also a part of her which causes her soul to get restless and distressed at the thought of moving on. The thought of leaving something/someone behind causes more distraught than the thought of experiencing something/someone new.

In the constant tug-of-war between routine and growth, she is often confused to make a choice. Is it the people that are tough to leave behind or the place? If it is the place, then isn’t that contradictory to her not so territorial self. If it is the people, why is making the choice so tough? For the place can be recreated but the person cannot, so why is there a dilemma at all?

The new destination was different but comfortable, it was noisy but serene. She was friendly with everyone but friends she had few. She spoke to the moon in many a way that only she and the universe understood. She loved feeling the earth and sang to the silent whispers from the woods.

But the people were different and so were the trees. The wind was rough but she was ready to sail. Something about the new people made her change a little, she had to become less demanding and more forgiving. Something about the new place made her change a little, she had to become less comfortable and more adjusting.

Little did she know; it was neither the place nor the people she missed, it was the person she knew she was, it was the person that the place made her and the person that the people enjoyed being with.

Little did she know; she had a separation anxiety neither for the place nor the people but for herself.

 

#anxiety, #emotions, #relationships, #separation, #separationanxiety

To defeat the mind.

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The human mind is so powerful. It has the ability to separate you from your surroundings and facilitate you to embark into a journey of creative ideologies and illogical idiocy. The mind empowers you to think, perhaps distinguishing you from an animal. All it takes is a moment of calmness for the mind to let you slip into an infinite sea of thoughts. For all you see, hear, and believe is just a fraction of the universe. The mind gives you the superior power to save, prevent, create, destroy, influence, dictate, provoke, conquer, and justify for reasons driven by objectivism or altruism. A repository of memories filled with joy, regrets, success, and failure reminding you of the consequence of every action you once took. A mental memo of your belief-system to create experiences and opportunities which are made to exist because of how powerful your mind’s persistence is. The mind is so resilient and intimidating that even the Universe bows to its potential. The mind is superior to time for it is not subjected to only progress but also to depreciate. There is no present without its acceptance and there can be no future without its approval. It is an entity of its own beyond the control of any religion, bureaucracy, and environment. The mind is dimensionless because of its unfathomable capacity to process, perceive, and execute. The mind however is always paralyzed by another entity living in a secluded niche which has no beginning and end, no proof of existence, no definition, no ambition, the silent king maker, the magnet of controversies, the bizarre opportunist, the innocent victim – ah, the Soul.

#infinity, #mind, #soul, #thoughts

The opportunity cost of decisions

If you have taken an economics class the “opportunity cost” (OC) might sound familiar to you. If not, in simple words it is the cost of not choosing something because of another choice that was made. For example, you have ten dollars with which you can either go to the nearest bakery to have a good meal or you can go to the dollar store and buy enough groceries for the week. The OC of choosing the bakery would be the amount you could save on food for the week by going to the groceries. The OC of choosing the groceries would be missing out on the yummy meal in the bakery with a nice ambience and probably meeting new people which is tough to be evaluated in nominal value alone.

Every decision we make has a concurrent OC to it, be it decisions at work or in our relationships. Why is it that it is so easy for few of us to say good bye while for few others the very thought of it is stressful. Over the years I met many people of which few I couldn’t wait to say bye, few I chose over another, and few I have taken along. No matter what the situation is I have always been able to weight the OC to help me make a decision. How is one to weigh the OC when the subjects in context are people? Think of how you would make a decision as to which equity you want to invest in. There are a lot of factors that we consider, from the historic patterns to the potential spike in the select equity’s price. Similarly, one can evaluate the OC of making a decision about a person by taking into account events from the past, change in circumstances, and the potential repetition of certain events.

This is applicable to work as well. From my experience in shared services I have noticed that a lot of our employees have proven to be more productive and efficient when asked to individually contribute with a well defined work list and timeline rather than when asked to work with groups or in teams. This efficiency does not come from just working alone but from the creative freedom they experience by not being influenced by anothers ideas or dominance.

Having said that, if it is so easy to make decisions based on the outcomes of the OC evaluations, why is it that most of us still live in so much regret and discontent. Probably because we judge ourselves more than anyone else would. We doubt our capabilities and limit ourselves from exploring the extent of our caliber. Although, we have companionship and confidants, aren’t we all isolated in some or the other way? In thoughts if not skin. At what point do we then stop depending on others and start living for ourselves. How much longer before we realize that the opportunity cost of not doing what we really want to and believe in is way greater than following the proven norms.

Most of us fail to make decisions that we really want to, instead choose to do what is right. Often our perception of what is right is influenced by somebody’s opinion and suggestions. Although, we live in times where there is easy accessibility to infinite amount of resources to help us do whatever we want to, yet we are unable to make decisions without having to consult. On the surface we are very independent and self sustainable though deep within we have grown to become parasitic. So spoiled by help readily available we have stopped making decisions by our own and end up landing in an ocean of regrets,self pity, and melancholy. However, it is never too late to stop being so dependent and to take the first step towards being true to ourselves. Yes, there will be a lot of questions but the answers will flow naturally.  It is never too late to stop judging ourselves and start complimenting our flaws. There is nothing unique about what seems to be right yet there can always be something unique and right about what seems to be wrong.

One of these days try making a decision by weighing out the opportunity cost of what you truly believe in. One of these days try living with no regret and make a bold move. One of these days try applying a little economics to your life.

#decisions, #economics, #influence, #life, #opportunitycost

Haiku 1.21

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1

There is something different

about that girl

In a side braid and spectacles

2

We need more wine;

she smiled at him and said

We need more stars

3

She frowned at the starless sky;

and woke up to a drizzle

Accepting the universe’s apology

4

The breeze tamed her wild mane,

the clouds danced swiftly,

And the stars twinkled in her soul

5

She yelled at the dark clouds –

stop grumbling and go away;

It’s time to romance the moon

6

On way to see her friends;

but she is in a new city they thought

She was soon spotted in a library

7

An endless affair

with words

Her only constant

8

She fell in love

with the only man

Who never touched her

9

I love running

from reality

And towards food

10

What a genius, they praised

all she ever wanted

Was a good night sleep

11

Love is for the brave;

all I want is

Giggles and Wine

12

Watching her drink alone

how lonely they thought;

She was smiling at the moon and talking to the ghosts

13

Numbers never lie;

the white collars laughed

The poets believed

14

Look at the moon

said the lover

In a long distance relation

15

He died last evening;

he stopped living

An year ago

16

The traveler’s luggage

has clothes, food

Hopes and Dreams

17

She is bold and sweet

like the queen bee

And her honey

18

Without him she was

like the lone wolf in a desert

And the falcon in the mountains

19

Just enough to smell

the earth and walk;

The rain obliged

20

Employed as an analyst

working like an artist

Living like a poet

21

A good story should

cast a pluviophile

In a desert

#haiku, #minimalism, #poetry

SEX – Pleasure or Pressure?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA If you hear someone say “I don’t enjoy sex” or “I don’t feel like it” we all know that it’s a lie! But then, there is some amount of truth behind every lie. I am amongst those fancy people who can’t just have sex but have to involve in the process of making love, and there is definitely a lot of difference between the two. In-fact I believe one can make love to their partner without having sex at all. Sounds pretty darn insane and ridiculous, huh? Well let’s talk about it….

Why do people have sex with their partners, is it just to satisfy their biological necessity or is it beyond – like a way of communicating with your partner to show trust, loyalty, and dependence. Unity between two bodies can establish a celestial connection and absolute bliss. Instead, what happens in reality is a thud from the dream of that divine experience and being woken up to the harsh reality of performance pressure and matching expectations.

We are raised with this constant dose of values that teaches us to respect our fellow-humans, to be sensitive and understanding. But what is it about sex that makes many of us judgmental, selfish, and disrespectful. For a very long time I have struggled in keeping a good relationship because the man has always dropped the big “are you ready” question, and in all honesty it freaks me out, still does. This might sound very un-usual to a lot of people, but there are many out there like me who have a very low sexual desire and might turn out to become asexual too. Isn’t it unfair how a person can be amazing at all levels and satisfy every requirement to become an ideal partner, but the moment he/she fails to perform in the act the relationship is called off!

Case-in-point sex has made our relationships very fragile, it is easier to break up with someone today than it was earlier. People involve in crime, cause domestic violence and restore to all sorts of crazy practices in-order to satisfy their needs. Sex is no longer special, or important it has been evolved to a point of becoming routine, mechanical, and to a great extent even experimental. The number of physically and mentally assaulted victims waiting in line for a treatment is alarmingly increasing by the day. People criticize, judge and humiliate their partners for not matching their expectations – how is this making us any different from animals? So is sex really for pleasure or just an ego boost at the cost of potentially crushing your partner’s self-esteem.

Our sexual preferences are changing like nobody’s business. Our needs have become so specific that we have evolved from being a person to being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, and asexual. Our level of patience has gone down so drastically, we want our coffee in seconds, food in minutes, get new body parts within days and similarly we want sex immediately. Not many believe in waiting anymore because a quickie is better than a no quickie, right? Who cares about finding that one person who can make it worth the wait – the poor soulmate must be stuck in a tree somewhere.

I have friends who are asexual and are absolutely happy. They do not need sex to sustain their relationship, neither are they any less happy if compared to a traditional couple. I am not intending to say that sex is bad and that it should be kept out of a relationship, but the relationship itself deserves to be given a chance. To be able to fall in love with a person and to understand their deepest fears, regrets and to be able to romance a person and treat them in all equality is what makes the experience truly pleasurable and maybe-just-maybe magical.

 

 

#adulthood, #lifestyle, #love, #sex

The Good, The Bad & The Healthcare Industry

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I got the opportunity to converse with a former administrator for a hospital. I am restraining from citing my source, because of the nature of the questions asked and information shared. This is by far the most thought provoking and intriguing interview I have been able to record.

My interviewee is an MBA graduate with a major in accounts and holds 10 + years of experience in the Indian health care industry. Our conversation went as follows –

Do you look at the hospital as a business or a social commitment?
In my opinion, the basic purpose of healthcare is to provide services to all those in need of medical attention, using the most affordable and available resources. Unfortunately, be it private or public as an organization the industry cannot be self-sustainable and has the necessity to generate profits. Also, on an average many medical providers invest a lot in training to become a provider and work for a hospital, hence a return on their investment is justified.

How prevalent is the problem of counterfeit drugs? 201036wbd001
Most of the hospitals have their own quality check. However, because of the commission offered to individual consultants and pharmacists by drug companies and medical sales representatives, there are institutes and providers willing to compromise their ethics to mint additional income. In rural areas of many states, although, government provides free drugs, patients still do not have accessibility to these drugs, neither do they receive sufficient quantity. On the contrary, quacks are accessible even in the rural, and are able to serve to the patients. Unfortunately, patients are not educated enough and rest their belief in the quacks and fail to differentiate between a quack and an authorized doctor.

Every hospital has a continued medical education (CME), but there is no implementation on grass root level and also it’s not taken that seriously by hospital management. There are no teachers, there aren’t enough doctors teaching new techniques. Recruiting teachers is not prioritized. They do not see it being productive. Training programs are provided only when there is an up-gradation. Very few hospitals have on-going training.

Government always purchases authentic drugs because of the auditing board, but they fail to disperse these in time. Often fifty percent are expired and remain in the inventory. The government does not have enough manpower to make these drugs available to medical practitioners in time. Because of which, the quacks and counterfeiting still exist.

How can the government regulate counterfeit of drugs?
Regulatory bodies have all power to stop quacks from practicing, but fail to do so. Although, there is a regulatory body, there isn’t enough manpower and the regulators enjoy mutual benefits from these quacks which include medical and political benefits.

What can change?
Rashtriya Swasthya Bima Yojna (RSBY) is a great concept, but many hospitals are not willing to register. RSBY supports free treatment to the needy, having said that, government also fails to reimburse the claim amount to the providers for years. Because of which, individual hospitals are forced into using their reserve amounts to pay the consulting medical providers – piling up a heavy backlog under accounts receivable for RSBY. Hence, many hospitals are withdrawing from the scheme. If this scheme is given the importance it deserves and if a dedicated team is provided to clear backlogs, it has the potential to become a game changer for the Indian health care industry.

Is there a mechanism in place to control counterfeit drugs?
Every state has a central drug standard control organization (CDSCO), they conduct periodical checks in pharmacies and hospitals. They check if the drugs are authentic and if they are stored and dispersed as prescribed. They also audit the drug committee in hospitals. Pharmacists have replacement drugs which are inexpensive compared to the prescribed ones. The CDSCO does not have knowledge about these replacement drugs, because they are never on display. This is mostly practiced by pharmacies which are out sourced by individuals or companies. Hence, the pharmacies in the hospital are expensive, because hospitals prefer purchasing drugs from reputed makers and as per the industry standards. Doctors en-cash on this opportunity, by referring patients to the pharmacies which offer these replacement drugs. Although, there is a mechanism in place it is not efficient enough.

3309888339_3d45cee4f8Why is healthcare not an attractive employer?
Doctors are presented as an entity larger than reality, and they overshadow all the other workers. As an organization, a hospital is no different to any other business. Doctors are key players but there are other personnel’s involved in running hospitals and their contribution to the success of a hospital is very important. There is more to a hospital than the doctors, there is finance, procurement, stock and inventory, HR, housekeeping, sales and marketing, public relations, project development, publicity and advertisement, liaison and the legal department. Without the support from all these departments, a smooth transaction between a doctor and a patient cannot be achieved. It’s a very challenging job to accept – both physically and emotionally, and I always encourage aspiring applicants, if given an opportunity one should go through this experience – it’s simply awesome!

How effective is marketing in the healthcare industry?
Healthcare is no different from any other business, marketing and sales play a key role in
establishing a successful facility. Hum do humare do and the AIDS campaign was such a big hit, government should work on many such campaigns and educate the community. It is a very complex and sensitive process, but we need more of these.

Which of your strategies have proven to be most effective?
My priority is always the patient wait time, it is important to keep the patient wait time very low, doctors should always be available. We try to maintain an average of 3minutes as the wait period, in case we fail, we offer our patients a complimentary food coupon. The coupon could be redeemed in the hospitals dietary. With this strategy we were able to build our good-will by establishing a rapport with the patients. My team tries to make every patient feel important. We recruited interns from hotel management, and learned from them how to make every patient (visitor) feel important and special. We conduct a market research on every recruit before making an offer. We conduct an intensive and highly detailed background verification on our doctors. I also, had to take the best doctors out for dinner, to convince them to serve at our facility.

Is treatment in government hospitals really free of cost?
Government hospitals might have all the materials required for an operation or treatment, irrespective, most of the doctor’s order patients to purchase materials from a private – independent pharmacy. Surgeons conduct surgeries late night. On the surface they claim free treatment but make a commission from the pharmacist. The doctor gets the stock issued from the hospital, and shows it as utilized for the patient. And sells the stock to the pharmacies. By the end patients end up paying as much as they would in a private hospital.

What motivates you to work in this environment?
I got the opportunity to work with few providers who are truly dedicated towards servicing patients and provide to the best of their capacity. There are medical providers who work to make money, there is nothing wrong in this, but one should maintain a certain honesty. Even if I am able to serve a single patient and am able to see one say good bye with a smile – it is worth the crazy ride. I take immense pride in my industry.

              Although, my interview ended in two hours, I kept thinking about our conversation for rest of the evening. It is fascinating to me how ultimately business can take over humanity. Will the industry ever be able to establish and follow a standardized ethical code of conduct, or, will we continue to barter commerce for life?